Chocolategate

I know I post all the stuff about Maddie as a bit of a joke but it's not always... on Sunday we had visited a discount outlet and they had a Cadbury's store. That evening we went to the movies and saw Avengers Endgame, a long film, 3 hours! Clearly she was bored, as when we got back we discovered to our horror that she had broken into the chocolate and eaten 750g of Cadbury's chocolates!!! (plus 3 Freddos) Luckily (for her) she had then thrown up everywhere, including the floor, the sofa and the bed. She looked a bit green and was drinking TONS of water, eating as much grass as she could find and her stomach was gurgling away. She couldn't settle.

I checked the online chocolate toxicity guide - and then phoned the nearest emergency vet. After some discussions, they advised that she'd thrown up enough chocolate to take herself out of the danger zone and would probably be sick some more, have diarrhoea etc, so to keep an eye on her overnight. If I wanted to bring her in this was fine - but just to be aware the initial cost would be £200 plus !

So after clearing everything up I slept on the sofa to keep an eye on her. Thankfully she was fine - no further sickness or anything else.

It was however a sobering reminder. It was my fault - I left the chocolate in a bag on the floor with all the other shopping (I'd let her sniff it and she hadn't been interested so I assumed it was sealed enough to avoid arousing her interest), and was out long enough for her to become bored and start looking through stuff.

The knock-on was that instead of leaving at 9am the next morning to drive home I had a couple more hours sleep once the house had gone to work, then got ready and as away to leave at 1pm - only to realise I'd left the car keys in the house and put the door key through the letterbox!

So Maddie had an unexpected walk (thank god it was a nice day) as one friend works an hour and a half drive away and her husband isn't allowed a phone at his work. Eventually I got hold of someone, discovered the neighbour had a key, waited for the neighbour to get home and was finally able to drive off at 3.30pm. (I actually had a lovely drive home, not too many holdups and a lovely sunset)

Poor Maddie!

Life goes on

OK, so it's been three months since that fateful day and I feel able to write on here again.

While that day was the worst day of my life bar none (including the day Richard died) - because I KNEW what - and when- was going to happen, the next day I woke with a weight off my shoulders; it was absolutely the right thing to do.

So now it's just me, Maddie and Gizzy.

And everyone's been affected, the balance has changed and we all have too.

Gizzy is grumpier and bullies Maddie. She wants to sit on my lap all the time and if I'm not there heads over to the neighbours and tries to get into their house instead.

Maddie is constantly getting into trouble. I think she's looking for attention. I've been really busy since Murphy died - taking the opportunity to go see everyone I haven't seen for over a year. I've tried to take her whenever possible, but I've also been out the house a lot without her.

At the weekend I was away to London so Emily, Alex and Jake stayed over. Emily made chilli on the Saturday, for dinner on Sunday. She put it aside to cool and left the room. When she got back, it was EVERYWHERE! All over the rug, the walls, everything! We still have no idea how that happened.

Maddie then spent the next day throwing up (it had onions in it), apparently even the cat threw up (did she eat any?) and the following day their dog Jake threw up all day too!! ('cos he is a dog and dogs are disgusting and he'd eaten Maddie's sick)

When I got back all was calm. Maddie was obviously repenting her sins and decided to go with salad instead - she nicked the cucumber I'd left on the counter! I have a photo but can't upload it, you'll have to use your imagination!

Today, I don't know whether she was trying to tell me something but I followed a trail of toilet paper from outside the bathroom door, up the corridor and into her room - and her bed! Hard to hide that, Maddie!!!

Bless her, I let her off because she was such a good girl at the groomer's this morning. She was incredibly fluffy and is now sleek and trim. For a while!

the hardest thing...

I know it's been almost a year since my last post. Life suddenly got in the way. My husband was diagnosed with oesophageal cancer in early June and died in October. Since then I've been trying to get a grip and look after the dogs.

Both of them miss him so much, and on top of that, Murphy has been steadily deteriorating.   He had the vestibular disease last March and we thought we would lose him, but he struggled back and apart from a tilt to the head when he was tired and a wee bit worse off in the balance stakes, was none the worse.

At the beginning of October we noticed an egg-sized lump on his back leg which when tested proved to be full of synovial (join) fluid. Nothing they could do as he's too old to operate, he wouldn't survive the anaesthetic. So I've had to watch it grow, and grow, and grow.

Meanwhile he has slowed down, is almost totally deaf, falls over a lot, doesn't really know when he is poo-ing anymore (no problems with his waterworks, thank god) and has increasing doggy dementia. He hates to let me out his sight and follows me everywhere if possible.

Finally last week he noticed the lump and (I've been keeping it dressed since it started bleeding Saturday before Christmas) licked it to such good effect he took the top off. Since when we've been living on borrowed time. The lump is now full of necrotic tissue and is getting bigger and worse. It hurts him I think, he is starting to flinch when I clean and dress it twice a day. His brother Rufus (owned by my son in law's family) died on 3rd January in his sleep. and since then I knew it wouldn't be long, they've always been quite similar in their progress.

So we come to it - the hardest thing a pet owner has to do. Make the Decision. We've had a family weekend so the kids and families have been able to say goodbye. I've had a lot of lovely messages on social media, some of them insightful and helpful as well as supportive.

- "letting him go is part of loving him" (Anne Rae)

- "he knows he is loved" (Anne White)

- "he knows he is loved and he will love you back forever" (Rick White)

- "he's had the best fur mummy" (Jen Birtles Kelman)

- "the kindest and hardest thing a pet owner has to do" (Fiona Taylor)

- "a much-loved Murphy" (Linda Leslie)

- "he's had such a wonderful life, no dog could be loved more" (Angela Slater)

- "we all loved Murphy very very much" (Anne Clydesdale)

- "cherish every moment and know he will always be in your heart" (Claire Lisa Shaw)

- "..you know it's the best for Murphy" (Tina Roberts)

- "I still laugh at Murphy trying to take off the bandana you had bought for Archie" (Lynn Duguid)

- "So many happy times - the girls still remember Murphy getting into Drum garden centre. You were so calm - at least on the outside!" (Veronica Strachan)


So here I am, trying to keep it a normal day for me, Murphy and Maddie, and trying not to watch the clock. I am ABSOLUTELY NOT thinking about it.

But I can now see that it is indeed time. He never wags his tail anymore, I never see him grinning like he used to. He can't run at all anymore, his back legs drag. he is lost in confusion a lot of the time and each day is not lived but survived. What kind of life is that for a dog? I hadn't really seen it because I live with him but I can see it through other people's eyes now I'm looking.

So I am taking a huge, deep breath, and waiting to say goodbye. Emily's going to come round and I've organised to help with the Brownies and then go see Nana in hospital tonight to keep me distracted. But I am so MAD at Richard for leaving me to do this on my own. Or I suppose really I am mad at life and the universe for taking Richard away against his will and leaving me alone with this.

My poor darling Murphy. Apart from an indiscretion with a deer which wasn't entirely his fault, he has been the best dog ever. Friendly, kind, sociable, great with kids, patient, loyal, fun. I owe it to him to let him go and I will not fail him. I love you Murphy. Life will NEVER be the same and I wouldn't want it to be.