all change

Things are changing fast around here. Probably wouldn't seem very fast to anyone else but I've become inured to my little existance so any change is big. Just as I've spent the last week dealing with mountains of washing and trying to catch up with everyday life after our holiday (more of which in another post), this weekend was upon me, with two leaving do's, four birthdays and a charity Race Night!! I think I managed to stagger through without too many oversights, apart from not knowing about one birthday and pouring petrol all over my brand new, expensive winter boots (first time on). Oh, and having to have two dinners last night (two different birthdays and yes, I managed!)

One of the leaving do's was combined with a birthday dinner - Elle's birthday and Nick leaving to take up his new job in England. Now I know that of all people, I should be way behind Elle, Richard and Nick's mother in missing him but actually, it's me and Murphy who will miss him most. He's spent the last five years at university so we're all used to him not being around; but he's spent the last three months sitting on our sofa anbd being there for the dogs and me to talk to . He's got me watching Pointless (5.15 BBC1) and I've even come round to thinking TV on during the day is OK, actually.

Who's going to put the TV on now (then wander off after 5 minutes and not come back for half an hour)? Who can I tell my stories of the stupid things I've done or seen during the day? - they're not epic enough to hold onto and tell Richard in the evening. Oh well. I remember leaving home and it must have been much worse for my mum, I was there right through university. I don't remember spending one minute thinking of how those left behind were feeling, so I guess it's karma - or what goes around, comes around. Each generation heads off to make its way in the world, full of their own hopes and fears, plans and expectations. The ones left behind watch and wait for the news and get on with their own lives as usual.

Things will settle down. I have my own decisions to make - like whether to apply for this fulltime job that's been advertised. I think I could do it standing on my head but need the experience to take anything further. But it's fulltime - what about the dogs? Maddie's always had me round the place her whole life (apart from the month I was in York when she started regressing in her toilet training and went in the huff with me) and it took Murphy a very long time to get used to me being around. Am I being fair to them if I go away and leave them all day? But am I being fair to myself if I don't at least try for this job? I just don't know. I don't know.