and finally...

I started this blog 13 years or so ago because I kept forgetting what stories about Murphy I'd told to which people, so it seemed a good way of putting them out there for anyone to read. 

Life changes (although generally dogs don't, thank god!) and now I tend to put all the funny and infuriating stuff on Facebook. So now would seem to be a good time to wind down this blog. Maddie continues to keep me on my toes - we had "Chocolategate - the Rerun" last week which unfortunately led to her being taken to the vet for a wee jag that made her throw up for about an hour, feel extremely sorry for herself for a few more hours, followed by her zest for life coming back with a bang at 1.30 am. She went stravaiging round the house looking for trouble, cowped over my geranium seedlings (earth everywhere!), knocked over all the recycling, stole a few things... before finally settling down.

As we've had lockdown (Coronavirus Covid-19) for 3 or 4 months and my stuff still hasn't started back again I've been in the house all the time and she's become more clingy. Follows me everywhere, even to the bathroom, which she never used to do. So I'm looking for another dog to keep her company. Probably won't happen til next year as puppies are in short supply and I'm not buying from any dodgy dealers so I'll wait and (hopefully) get one from a reputable breeder.

Gizzy (now 16 and a half) has arthritis in her back leg (we're trying her on some tablets) and a wee heart murmur - she was a complete diva at the vets last week, they needed two people and the cat gloves to give her her vaccinations (not like her at all) and couldn't take blood, so we can't start her on metacalm so far.

So things move on. 

I wasn't a dog person when we got Murphy - it was entirely Richard's doing - and now I wouldn't be anything else. I've got a tattoo on my ankle symbolising Murphy, Maddie and Gizzy (not sure whether I'll add to it if/when I get another dog) and I'm so proud to have (had) them in my life. For all her mischieveousness, Maddie has kept me going during lockdown, when I had no job and really didn't have to get up at all (I questioned it a few mornings) but actually I DID have to - Maddie using me as a trampoline and the cat getting in on the action too made me. Making me get out for a walk every day. Think of another being beside myself.

I have noticed that if I'm on my phone for whatever reason, Maddie turns and walks away - she knows she won't get any of my attention. That's a bad thing, and I'm trying to curb it.

So many ways in which dogs (and other animals) help us live better lives. Thank you Murphy, Maddie & Gizzy (& Eddie our first cat, the reason Murphy got his name). xxx

Chocolategate

I know I post all the stuff about Maddie as a bit of a joke but it's not always... on Sunday we had visited a discount outlet and they had a Cadbury's store. That evening we went to the movies and saw Avengers Endgame, a long film, 3 hours! Clearly she was bored, as when we got back we discovered to our horror that she had broken into the chocolate and eaten 750g of Cadbury's chocolates!!! (plus 3 Freddos) Luckily (for her) she had then thrown up everywhere, including the floor, the sofa and the bed. She looked a bit green and was drinking TONS of water, eating as much grass as she could find and her stomach was gurgling away. She couldn't settle.

I checked the online chocolate toxicity guide - and then phoned the nearest emergency vet. After some discussions, they advised that she'd thrown up enough chocolate to take herself out of the danger zone and would probably be sick some more, have diarrhoea etc, so to keep an eye on her overnight. If I wanted to bring her in this was fine - but just to be aware the initial cost would be £200 plus !

So after clearing everything up I slept on the sofa to keep an eye on her. Thankfully she was fine - no further sickness or anything else.

It was however a sobering reminder. It was my fault - I left the chocolate in a bag on the floor with all the other shopping (I'd let her sniff it and she hadn't been interested so I assumed it was sealed enough to avoid arousing her interest), and was out long enough for her to become bored and start looking through stuff.

The knock-on was that instead of leaving at 9am the next morning to drive home I had a couple more hours sleep once the house had gone to work, then got ready and as away to leave at 1pm - only to realise I'd left the car keys in the house and put the door key through the letterbox!

So Maddie had an unexpected walk (thank god it was a nice day) as one friend works an hour and a half drive away and her husband isn't allowed a phone at his work. Eventually I got hold of someone, discovered the neighbour had a key, waited for the neighbour to get home and was finally able to drive off at 3.30pm. (I actually had a lovely drive home, not too many holdups and a lovely sunset)

Poor Maddie!

Life goes on

OK, so it's been three months since that fateful day and I feel able to write on here again.

While that day was the worst day of my life bar none (including the day Richard died) - because I KNEW what - and when- was going to happen, the next day I woke with a weight off my shoulders; it was absolutely the right thing to do.

So now it's just me, Maddie and Gizzy.

And everyone's been affected, the balance has changed and we all have too.

Gizzy is grumpier and bullies Maddie. She wants to sit on my lap all the time and if I'm not there heads over to the neighbours and tries to get into their house instead.

Maddie is constantly getting into trouble. I think she's looking for attention. I've been really busy since Murphy died - taking the opportunity to go see everyone I haven't seen for over a year. I've tried to take her whenever possible, but I've also been out the house a lot without her.

At the weekend I was away to London so Emily, Alex and Jake stayed over. Emily made chilli on the Saturday, for dinner on Sunday. She put it aside to cool and left the room. When she got back, it was EVERYWHERE! All over the rug, the walls, everything! We still have no idea how that happened.

Maddie then spent the next day throwing up (it had onions in it), apparently even the cat threw up (did she eat any?) and the following day their dog Jake threw up all day too!! ('cos he is a dog and dogs are disgusting and he'd eaten Maddie's sick)

When I got back all was calm. Maddie was obviously repenting her sins and decided to go with salad instead - she nicked the cucumber I'd left on the counter! I have a photo but can't upload it, you'll have to use your imagination!

Today, I don't know whether she was trying to tell me something but I followed a trail of toilet paper from outside the bathroom door, up the corridor and into her room - and her bed! Hard to hide that, Maddie!!!

Bless her, I let her off because she was such a good girl at the groomer's this morning. She was incredibly fluffy and is now sleek and trim. For a while!

the hardest thing...

I know it's been almost a year since my last post. Life suddenly got in the way. My husband was diagnosed with oesophageal cancer in early June and died in October. Since then I've been trying to get a grip and look after the dogs.

Both of them miss him so much, and on top of that, Murphy has been steadily deteriorating.   He had the vestibular disease last March and we thought we would lose him, but he struggled back and apart from a tilt to the head when he was tired and a wee bit worse off in the balance stakes, was none the worse.

At the beginning of October we noticed an egg-sized lump on his back leg which when tested proved to be full of synovial (join) fluid. Nothing they could do as he's too old to operate, he wouldn't survive the anaesthetic. So I've had to watch it grow, and grow, and grow.

Meanwhile he has slowed down, is almost totally deaf, falls over a lot, doesn't really know when he is poo-ing anymore (no problems with his waterworks, thank god) and has increasing doggy dementia. He hates to let me out his sight and follows me everywhere if possible.

Finally last week he noticed the lump and (I've been keeping it dressed since it started bleeding Saturday before Christmas) licked it to such good effect he took the top off. Since when we've been living on borrowed time. The lump is now full of necrotic tissue and is getting bigger and worse. It hurts him I think, he is starting to flinch when I clean and dress it twice a day. His brother Rufus (owned by my son in law's family) died on 3rd January in his sleep. and since then I knew it wouldn't be long, they've always been quite similar in their progress.

So we come to it - the hardest thing a pet owner has to do. Make the Decision. We've had a family weekend so the kids and families have been able to say goodbye. I've had a lot of lovely messages on social media, some of them insightful and helpful as well as supportive.

- "letting him go is part of loving him" (Anne Rae)

- "he knows he is loved" (Anne White)

- "he knows he is loved and he will love you back forever" (Rick White)

- "he's had the best fur mummy" (Jen Birtles Kelman)

- "the kindest and hardest thing a pet owner has to do" (Fiona Taylor)

- "a much-loved Murphy" (Linda Leslie)

- "he's had such a wonderful life, no dog could be loved more" (Angela Slater)

- "we all loved Murphy very very much" (Anne Clydesdale)

- "cherish every moment and know he will always be in your heart" (Claire Lisa Shaw)

- "..you know it's the best for Murphy" (Tina Roberts)

- "I still laugh at Murphy trying to take off the bandana you had bought for Archie" (Lynn Duguid)

- "So many happy times - the girls still remember Murphy getting into Drum garden centre. You were so calm - at least on the outside!" (Veronica Strachan)


So here I am, trying to keep it a normal day for me, Murphy and Maddie, and trying not to watch the clock. I am ABSOLUTELY NOT thinking about it.

But I can now see that it is indeed time. He never wags his tail anymore, I never see him grinning like he used to. He can't run at all anymore, his back legs drag. he is lost in confusion a lot of the time and each day is not lived but survived. What kind of life is that for a dog? I hadn't really seen it because I live with him but I can see it through other people's eyes now I'm looking.

So I am taking a huge, deep breath, and waiting to say goodbye. Emily's going to come round and I've organised to help with the Brownies and then go see Nana in hospital tonight to keep me distracted. But I am so MAD at Richard for leaving me to do this on my own. Or I suppose really I am mad at life and the universe for taking Richard away against his will and leaving me alone with this.

My poor darling Murphy. Apart from an indiscretion with a deer which wasn't entirely his fault, he has been the best dog ever. Friendly, kind, sociable, great with kids, patient, loyal, fun. I owe it to him to let him go and I will not fail him. I love you Murphy. Life will NEVER be the same and I wouldn't want it to be.

Meanwhile, in Maddie-land

...life goes on as normal! It being Easter this weekend, we had a few eggs. I was met, on Monday morning, with an empty creme egg box (those boxes with five eggs in) - I had left the box, with THREE still in, on a chest of drawers in the spare room. I don't know how she managed to find them, but obviously did!

So far, no visible effects, ill or otherwise. She did steal some chocolate coins at Christmas-time and threw up the foil wrappers three or four days later, so who knows, that delight may yet come. I'm really more annoyed with her because they're my favourite! (Obviously I'd be worried if it had been dark chocolate but she seems to be immune to Cadbury's chocolate)

She's also delighted to find that her snow-angel days aren't over yet this year...

Murphy - update

Well, the last post as a bit prescient! Or maybe an early warning... the following evening, Murphy suddenly went down with what turned out to be Vestibular Disease. I was doing the usual three things at once in the kitchen (doing laundry, baking doggy biscuits and making the dinner) when Richard called sharply to say that Murphy wasn't well. He'd fallen over, out of the blue. We got him on the sofa but he was hanging off, panting hard and fast. So we got him off again and he sat.

It was then we saw his head was lopsided - and I immediately thought "stroke!". One phone call to the vet later and we were on the way down with him in the car, having had to carry him out and lift him in.

They diagnosed the vestibular disease - he was sick at the vets (we found later he'd also been sick in the car) and you could see his eyes flicking back and forward really fast - that meant the world was spinning for him, no wonder he was sick!

So we took him home and fro the next week he was on anti-nausea tablet and antibiotics (in case it was an infection which had brought it on) and we had to almost carry him everywhere, since he couldn't walk. Unfortunately the antibiotics meant he needed outside three or four times a night - which meant we both had to get up. I did it myself a couple of times, it was easier once we got a harness for him with a handle at the back and another harness-thing to put under him to help lift his back half, but ended up with a sore wrist and back so didn't do it too often without Richard!

According to the all-important internet (!), within 2-3 days the majority of dogs showed significant improvement, and more or less recovered by themselves by two weeks. But Murphy wasn't showing any improvement (and was worse than most dogs, who could at least walk, albeit drunkenly). We were getting desperate, and Richard was on the point of organising flights for the kids to come up to say goodbye.

It started on the Wednesday night. By the Sunday I was exhausted from broken sleep, and losing hope. I'd cancelled a family weekend in Glasgow and we'd withdrawn from a lunch with friends. I went to church as usual and afterwards went to light a candle in front of one of the statues in the corner. I just had a meltdown, really - lit my candle, knelt down on the kneeler and putting my hands over my face, howled silently. It was Mother's Day and another woman had brought a toddler to light a candle, so I composed myself, sat back to give the kneeler to them and looked out the window, to get a bit more time before I had to leave the church past everyone.

That woman showed such compassion - she obviously thought my upset was due to the day, for she turned and gave me a hug and said "It can be so difficult at this time", or words to that effect. It was so lovely of her.

When I got back from church I took Murphy outside (Richard has built him a wee ramp down the couple of steps at the back door) and noticed that he seemed to be a bit more able to take his own weight. Richard said I was seeing what I wanted to see (always the optimist) but as the next few days went by it became obvious that he had indeed turned a corner.

So although it was longer than the predicted two weeks, he has slowly recovered. His head remains tilted (more so when he is tired) and this affects his spacial awareness and ability to place noises, but he can walk himself and remains as dedicated to food, walks and sociability as always! He is unsteady on his feet - again worse when he is tired or sleepy but quite capable of taking the lead off me and galloping home for food!

We definitely have to keep an eye on him - we went the Ness Islands walk last week and he fell down the bank and nearly into the river (not fast flowing there) - he hasn't got the strength to correct himself if he is on sloping ground, especially on his left side so we have to bear that in mind. There's been a couple of occasions in the garden when I've turned round to catch sight of him tipping over sideways  into the flower border! (I think because it's got a slightly raised edge and he can't get his paws up enough to step over it to stop himself), he has fallen down the side of the steps a few times and once tumbled down a too-steep grassy bank, but he always picks himself up and struggles back up manfully.


So our darling is changed, older and less physically capable, but remains, as always, our Murphy. And I am even more determined to enjoy what time we have left with him.

Murphy

It's been a while since I posted, but not much has changed for Murphy. He'll be 14 in exactly 2 weeks' time. He still loves his walks, although now he doesn't get to go out with Mike (the dog walker) and Maddie any more. The muscle wastage in his hips means he shouldn't walk for more than about 20 minutes at a time. So when Maddie goes out he gets a doggie puzzle with treats to make him feel special and distract him.

He goes to hydrotherapy once a week with me. There, he walks on the treadmill in water, with me stationed at one end feeding him titbits every now and then to keep him motivated. We have to keep an eye on him - it's ok for him to keep his front paws on the edge because it's the back ones he needs to exercise, but sometimes we'll notice he's got one back one on the side and is just going through the motions with the other one!

He's nae daft!

He lives to eat - we have to keep him on the lead on his morning and evening walks around the school as he will eat anything and everything he can - and I mean anything! He has always barked (once, imperatively) to get out or in the back door; now he has started the same thing if we've maybe left the remains of a snack or any other food out and he wants it. It's a strong incentive to clear up!

He needs help onto the sofa now and then, and he's started to skite about sometimes too - the hydro can only delay the inevitable now, it can't build the muscle up.

He's also getting a bit "fiel" - he'll suddenly realise he's alone in a room and panic; maybe he thinks he's been abandoned, so he barks until distracted - which can involve some loud shouting in the right tone, since he's pretty deaf too!

This morning I noticed he was really dragging his back right paw in the snow (always easy to see it in the snow) and tonight he suddenly seemed to get really tired. He was staggering quite a bit - clearly that same leg has suddenly lost it a bit. I don't know why now, or why so suddenly. Maybe he's just tired, and that's the weakest leg.

He's asleep in the middle of the living room floor now, where he can see my legs stretched out in the sunroom as I watch TV.

Despite all the ailments and weaknesses that are coming with his old age, he's still our Murphy. Still loves attention, treats and his Daddy (me too, but he's Richard's adorer). Still desperate for his walk when he thinks he should be having it, even though he daunders along, would be happier with a shorter one (but Maddie wouldn't be!) and goes faster downhill purely because he can't slow himself down anymore. Still independent, taking the lead out my hand if he wants to go himself (the kids going to school love seeing that - "the doggie's walking himself!")

Who knows how long we've got left with him, but I'm determined to treasure it. My darling.